Postponing Retirement

Has your idea of retirement been sullied by the economy?  Did life circumstances deter you from saving as early as you could have? Did the last 20 years go by with the speed of lightening? 

This article provides examples and insights to shift thinking about job possibilities and reviewing financial resources when circumstances are beyond your control.

 http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/07/your-money/laid-off-with-retirement-almost-in-sight.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1 

When interviewing prospective residents and their families in senior living communities comments would arise, "Mom doesn't have anything (resources) even though she worked for 30 years."  Sometimes the children would preview the community and share this without the parent(s); sometimes, candidness just spewed forth.  That the dialogue had been had between/among family members, was a credit to all.

Family gatherings are often a time when concern for elders leads into effective conversations that had been camouflaged in short responses to perfunctory inquiries from time-deprived boomers, "I'm fine."  "How are the children?" - deflects further inquiry.  An elder may express conditions are good while he/she may be sitting without heat for several days concerned about spreading meager retirement funds, too proud for fuel assistance programs popular in rural regions.

This article about congregate living is a good one to ponder.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-poor-seniors-20120104,0,7744732.story?page=1

And we know that boomers concerned with their health, strapped funds, and trying to hang on to their homes may feel helpless when it comes to helping their aging parents.  Distance comes into play, blended families.  "She does not want to take care of me anymore", a daughter whose father, 77, with early dementia exclaimed.  Struggling through transition, the veil of helplessness blackens.


When did your dialogue with your parents begin?  Have your burdens become too great and you don't know where to turn or has pride kept you from assistance as close as a listening ear?  Your comments will help others through the maze.

Age Is Just A Number

Most Fridays I "dine around" with a small group of friends in Boone and Blowing Rock, NC.  At 70 and 80+ discussions center around volunteerism, health, travel, community, and family.  One couple could not join us yesterday as they were taking a short trip to Jacksonville FL (10 hours) to visit a close family who decorate their home and open it to neighbors for Halloween.   Did I mention they just returned from being with friends in Yellowstone and Blue Sky country?  When he is not traveling, he volunteers five days a week as office manager for an historical association to which he and his wife have a 40-year dedication. A form of dementia has entered their lives so they have added neurology and speech therapy to their schedule but continue to schedule short and lengthy visits with treasured friends they have amassed through the years.

Last week I visited my mother, 98, who is in hospice in South Florida going on six months.  We had the best reminiscence even though I could appear as four different family members in a 2-hour visit.  My mom expressed her love for fresh air and appreciation for certain staff members.  She told one CNA, "Sit down, Honey.  I don't want you to work so hard."  She loved the feel of a new sweater.

I stayed with my sister-in-law who is so devoted to my mom, understanding dementia that her father had the last five years of his life.  She knows how to make my mom laugh and how to limit visits to protect the weary.  Playing Mexican Train with her friends around the pool for two hours was a great stress reliever for one woman checking in on her husband at the hospital (a 20-year experience) and another waiting out the repair of a rental unit that a man, 90, ran into with his vehicle before his family realized he should be in assisted living,  And us

"Buddy did well", another sister-in-law reported about their bus trip to New England (he has dementia going on four years)..  "Everything was first class.  The tour operator added two days and we (eight friends went along) had a great time."  This weekend they are off to see his brother's family and her father, 95.  They make this 3-hour drive every other week to ensure her dad's safety, liven up the house, and fill the refrigerator with homemade meals.   She shares this love and dedication with another sister and her husband.  This visit they will support his brother who is in a nursing home. 

My mind wanders to those, like me, that live hundreds of miles from family. My extended family includes two kindergarten boys I mentor each Monday.  What a great way to start my week and keep me humble.

Marvin Orenstein, 90,  is my hero of the day.   http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/section/6/article/58394/

Please share your heroes with me. I am confident they are all caregivers of one form or another.

Ethical issues

  At the personal invitation of my geronology professor Dr. Rita Gugel, the founder of National Association of Professional Care Managers (NAPGCM) visited our class at Lynn University in the early 90s.  Within the next few years I enlisted the help of a professional geriatric care manager to address a caregiving situation that ultimately provided opportunity for my second husband's distant four children to care for their father, albeit long distance.  "I won't come until my father is situated", are the dispassionate words heard from one son.  

Wanting to do the right thing, I found a level of care that mirrored Mr.S.'s lifestyle, ensured he was settled and visited from time to time in the assisted living community and hospital to ensure staff knew there was someone local who observed his care. 

The one-hour assessment by the professional care manager was the best $200 I ever spent.  My children deserved me to present in their lives and share their joy.

And now it is time again to call on professional care management, to call on professionals who are familiar with levels of care for dementia and ensure transition sans physical and emotional challenges of family, near and distant.  Far too personal when it comes to a parent.   "I just cannot do it anymore" echoes from various challenges within a family including finances, introduction of extended family with different history.  


The terse words of management eager to make way for "healthier" residents are 360 degrees of the welcome less than two years ago.   Ethical issues in discharge, a webinar offered by SeniorBridge this month, is one that professionals in aging need to hear. Consider discharges from hospitals, rehab centers, and communities.  What is the appropriate setting, timing?   What has been your experience in handling transitions of family members or close friends.  Did you handle the move(s) yourself ? Did you call on a professional care manager?   If so, what is a positive experience or one that could have been improved?  Share with us so others can benefit.