There are many struggles and rewards of grandparents raising their grandchildren. I was moved learning that there are scholarships for small entities like the Children's Playhouse in Boone (and possibly INK in Gainesville). This allows grandparents who cannot otherwise afford even the most nominal fee respite and a place to share activities with their grandchildren. http://www.goplayhouse.org/ There are also many grandparents picking up their grandchildren from school and offering care until parents return from their professional obligations. And please remember there is a population of grandparents who take their grandchildren to see their son or daughter who is incarcerated. Share your thoughts here without disclosing names, companies, or institutions to observe privacy. Where possible, provide a link to support your beliefs and inform others. http://www.aarp.org/ has ongoing discussion/resources on this issue.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
There are many struggles and rewards of grandparents raising their grandchildren. I was moved learning that there are scholarships for small entities like the Children's Playhouse in Boone (and possibly INK in Gainesville). This allows grandparents who cannot otherwise afford even the most nominal fee respite and a place to share activities with their grandchildren. http://www.goplayhouse.org/ There are also many grandparents picking up their grandchildren from school and offering care until parents return from their professional obligations. And please remember there is a population of grandparents who take their grandchildren to see their son or daughter who is incarcerated. Share your thoughts here without disclosing names, companies, or institutions to observe privacy. Where possible, provide a link to support your beliefs and inform others. http://www.aarp.org/ has ongoing discussion/resources on this issue.
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Grandparents raising grandchildren is becoming a more common arrangement among families. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 2.5 million grandparents were raising grandchildren in the year 2000 (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005). Such arrangements often occur when there is a problem in the middle generation such as drug use, incarceration, mental illness or the like (Harwood 2007). Raising grandchildren at this age in life can be both beneficial and detrimental to ones well being.
Currently there is a resident here that is the primary caregiver for her two year old granddaughter. The parents of the little girl are both working and have careers that take up a lot of their time, so they have placed the little girl under the care of the grandmother. This Independent Living Facility in particular is not a kid friendly environment; however the grandmother has made her apartment as kid safe and friendly as possible. There does not seem to be any financial strain because the parents are still providing and supporting the little girl with clothes, food etc.
The only problem that I see is that the grandmother may not have as much free time to enjoy being retired and single. Fortunately the grandmother does receive breaks every other weekend when the parents are available to get the little girl. Overall, the grandmother seems to take pride in raising her granddaughter and has a strong social network to support her.
I am curious what processes management required before accepting the little girl in the community. Has there been any negative feedback from other residents. Do you have communal eating arrangements?
DQ2...Grandparents/ grandchildren:
The presence of grandparents raising their grandchildren was a very common site for me while growing up in Toronto Canada. Many of my friends from various parts of the world were raised by their grandparents, including myself for the first eight years of life.
It was more of a cultural expectation or norm as oppose to a negative circumstance that facilitated this form of child care arrangement. More often than not, the parents and the grandparents resided in the same household. While the parents were at work, the grandparents assumed the role of the primary caregiver for their grandchildren.
Currently, I have a friend who has two children that are being raised by her mother. Unfortunately, this arrangement was caused by the present economical downturn. My friend lost her job and was forced to move back home to live with her mother. She currently has a job, but her work schedule fluctuates often requiring her to rely on her mother to assist her in the care of her children.
Fortunately, the arrangement is working out well for all parties involved. It has even bought the family closer together.
Kay
When I think of grandparents raising grandchildren, I think of the grandparent as the sole provider for that child or children, not just as taking an active role in raising the children. I certainly believe that it takes a village to raise children, but when a grandparent is put in the position of having to become the "parent" and make all the rules and enforce them as well as take care of the financial aspects, that is entirely different. One situation of which I have knowledge involves grandparents who had retired at a relatively young age so that they could enjoy their retirement. They had recently moved into their dream cabin in the mountains when their daughter called from another state and said "You'll have to come get the kids (4 of them ranging in age from, I believe, 1-8) because I am taking off with this guy. And the children's daddy is incarcerated. The grandfather has gone back to work (an OTR truck driver - gone a lot) and they will likely have to move to a less rural area so they can access the resources they need to meet the needs of the children. This was supposed to be their chance to be free from the day to day obligations of raising a family. They had done that already.
Young parenting is always hard. One of my friends was raised by his grandparents after he was born. He and his mother could be siblings in some scenarios- she was 17. The communication lines between the grandparents and the grandchild were open, but not the ones with the mother and the child. P and his mother are close when she was around, but he went to Papa for advice. It is almost like she tried too hard when she spent time with him. There are two other children later on. Those two lived with her. I think P felt left out by his mother, though by no means unloved by his grandparents.
My friend is a father now, and Papa passed away in January. I would suggest to P’s mother to slow down and enjoy being a grandmother herself. Her son is proud of his accomplishments, and wants her to be a major part of their lives.
I see this phenomenon of grandparents raising children from a different perspective-culture. African families are used to grandparents taking care of children even if the real parents are in the house 24/7. There is this notion especially when you have your first child that there are lots of things the new parents might not know how to do. The grandparents will leave their homes and move in with their child for a long period of time to help raise the newborn baby until a time that they see it fit for the parent to continue their role. I am seeing the tren changing alot in the developed countries. Most of the time the grandparents only step in when there is a crisis, either the parent is out of work due to the economic downturn and needs some extra hands, or the parent is not fit healthwise. In my culture, we adore these grandparents and learn alot from them. We feel really blessed to let them assume the role with comfort and we assit them in any way possible.
Constance E.
“An estimated 7 percent of America's grandparents provide extensive caregiving to their grandchildren, including more than 20 percent of those caring for the pre-school aged children of working parents, according to a study published in the April 2001 issue of The Gerontologist.” http://seniorjournal.com/NEWS/Grandparents/03-22-01GrndPrntCare.htm
I do know of a couple who have been taking care of their grandchild for the last ten years. Along with that grandchild is an unemployed son (her father) who has been in and out of work. He received a college degree last year, yet the behavior of being in and out of work continues. To escalate the predicament, the mother is erratic with visitations, maybe visiting once or twice a year or not at all for extended periods of time. Although there have been conflicts from time to time, the arrangement seems to be established.
In my opinion the environment is somewhat enabling. The son, although he is to some extent involved in her care, the majority it is placed in the grandparents hands while he goes out partying and spending time with his friends. When he is not working he spends a great deal of the day “gaming” online “. Due to the circumstances, I am thankful that this child has her grandparents to look after her. The, “what ifs” of her not having her grandparents care suggests a life filled with neglect.
The only experience I've had with a grandparent raising grandchildren is with a woman in my church. She took her two grandsons in to raise after her daughter-in-law left her son. He was unable to raise them due to his type of employment (frequent travel for extended periods of time). The boys were ages 15 and 13 at the time and needless to say, struggling to understand what had happened. She had lost her husband unexpectedly about 9 months prior to this event and was still grieving. In some ways, I think this situation helped to heal everyone involved. Her son remained very involved in their lives, provided financial support and frequently took the boys on weekends and vacations, but she was primarily responsible for their care. They had their ups and downs but the boys are now happy, well-adjusted you adults and she and her son are closer than ever. I think the frequent and open communication they shared was beneficial to all involved.
My observation of a situation of grandparents raising grandchildren is that at least in this instance, it was both necessary and an act of love.
The grandparents were still working themselves, and the additional workload of raising two children was physically taxing. It was also emotionally draining, since there were issues at times with the unreliability of the parent to follow through with promised visits, gifts, etc. On these occasions, it was heartbreaking for everyone.
Seeing these children now, who are young adults and on their own, it is evident that the grandparents provided a loving home and are still an important part of their grandchildren's lives.
Recently, for the grandmother's 80th birthday, the grandchild flew home and surprised his grandmother - not only by appearing at her doorstep to wish her happy birthday, but arranging for a big family birthday dinner and cooking it all himself.
Her grandson's gesture of appreciation and love for his grandmother speaks eloquently of the positive impact she has made in his life.
D Allen
Grandparents raising their grandchildren has become extremely common over the years. Because the economy has taken such a downturn, it has forced a lot of parents to make the decision to move back home with their parents for assistance.
My friend joined the Army to provide a better life for herself and her daughter. She was sent to Korea and her mother is now raising her daughter, my goddaughter, who is 5 years old. Her mother is in her late 60's and does a great job keeping up with a very active child. I have witnessed times where fatigue has come about with the grandmother but most issues stem from disagreements between my friend and her mother on ways of disciplining and raising her child.
Because her mother would be considered "old school", there is often disagreements with the choice of punishment that may have been given, although they were effective for the granddaughter. The communication between the granddaughter and the grandmother is wonderful, but it seems as if the communication between mother and daughter,is lacking. The disciplinary tactics used today do not give the same results of someone from an older generation who has the "been there, done that" mentality. Her mother has many years of experience raising children and has provided a wonderful, child friendly environment in her home for her grandchild.
I often suggest to my friend that if her mother has done a great job in raising her, I think she will do just fine raising her daughter. There needs to be a common ground in which they both need to meet at, in terms of how her daughter is going to be raised and disciplined to prevent disagreements and miscommunication. I remind my friend that it is such a blessing to have her mother there to offer the assistance needed in the raising her daughter as well as her daughter getting to bond with her grandmother. I learned from spending many years with my grandmother that there is nothing like gaining the knowledge and wisdom that a grandparent has to offer.
Grand parents raising grandchildren is very common in my culture (Haitian). I was raise by my paternal grandmother. She cared for my siblings and I while our parents worked. For a time, we were fortunate enough to have both grandmothers live with us.
It might be unfair to say that I was raised by my grandmother because my parents never forfeited their parenting obligations. In order to make ends meet, my mother (nurse’s aid) and my father (janitor) both had to work. Without our grand mother, my sibling and I would have had to go to daycare and/or after school programs. We would have had much less quality time at home with each other not to mention the added financial burden to our parents. Even worst, we might have been “latch key “children fending for ourselves until our parents came home. Thank God our grandma chose to be with us.
Choice is what I believe made our family’s situation work. For seniors who had this responsibility thrust upon them (by illness, death, drugs, jail etc.) the stress could be enormous. This may cause the grandparents to experience ambivalent feelings. They have to balance their concern for their child and/or grandchild with their hopes, dreams and plans for their retirement. There are also legal considerations. For example if the grandparent does not have custody they may be fearful that child’s parent could claim the child at any time. It is also difficult to obtain medical care without legal custody.
Raising a grandchild can be challenging to say the least. The following websites have information that would be very helpful in finding available community resources and network opportunities:
http://www.gu.org/about.asp
http://www.grandparenting.org/
In the article ‘Grandparent parenting grandchildren: Extent of situation, issues involved, and educational implications’ (Educational Gerontology, 28: 139–161, 2002) the authors Conrad Glass Jr. and Terry Huneycutt state that research on this field shows that most grandparents prefer a fun-loving, voluntary role with their grandchildren, without parental responsibility for them. When they assume the primary responsibility of parenting their grandchildren, their satisfaction with grandparenting is undermined. One of the reasons is that grandparents are deprived of their own developmental age and stage-appropriate activities. They experience significant social and emotional intrusions in their lives. They are basically being deprived of major developmental options they had anticipated. One of the reasons for this is that they are no longer young parents with boundless energy; and might even be at an age when their bodies betray them and their health may be questionable. They may also find themselves tangled in a stressful net of social workers and lawyers for which they could have never been prepared and their own adult child may even be an adversary. Their lives and dreams are put on hold. The consequences of this disruption can be traumatic. The most important of these losses include the grandparent’s future goals, their traditional social life, their expected leisure activities, their anticipated independence that accompanies an empty nest, their physical health and financial status. In addition to all this, they may feel a loss of a positive self-image as good parents, they might obsess about where they might have gone wrong and why they did not acknowledge the problems earlier. They now might feel that if they had acknowledged the existence of the deviant behaviors, they might have been able to provide more positive direction and guidance for their children.
My parents retired at the age of 65 and moved from NYC to sunny Florida to enjoy their retirement by playing golf whenever they wanted and traveling out of the country to places they had always wanted to visit. They were only in Florida for two years when they received a call from my sister-in-law that my brother, a Memphis policeman, had been shot and was in intensive care. My parents immediately went to Tennessee for several weeks to take care of their grandchildren, ages 2 & 6 months, while their father recuperated in the hospital and their mother could finish her engineering degree. Their travels to Tennessee continued for several months over the following year. My sister-in-law completed her degree and received a job in another part of Tennessee moving the family from Memphis.
My parents decided to sell their home in Florida and move to the same city as my brother and his family to assist with raising the children. My parents would take the children to school and pick them up bringing them back to their house to help with homework. Both of my parents would participate in the grand children’s school activities and sporting events so my sister-in-law and brother could work full time. My parents gave up their travels to help my brother without any hesitation or complaint, in fact they were not asked to do this; it was their own decision. I believe that the involvement and responsibility they had kept them active and they always took care of themselves because they knew they had a very important job.
As the grandchildren started to drive and did not need much assistance, I noticed my parents’ once active and involved lifestyle became sedentary and the aches and pains became more prevalent and the out-of-town visits became few to none. When my parents passed away, my niece and nephew felt a great loss almost as if they lost their parents. I believe that my parents would have done this for all of my brothers and myself if we needed them. They came from an era where fathers were at war and mothers had to work to support their children leaving the grandparents to raise them during the day. I did not give it much thought before this assignment, but thinking back now, I can see that their days became consumed with doctor’s appointments and fear of getting old around the same time their responsibilities stopped with helping to raise the grandkids.
When I was in high school, I had a friend whose parents were raising their granddaughter. My friend already had a blended family living in the home: mom, step-dad, step-brother, two half-brothers, and a grandmother. Then they took in their grandchild. My friend’s older sister had a child when she was very young, and because of addiction couldn’t care for her. The baby’s mother didn’t usually live in the household, but every now and then she’d come and stay for a few weeks. When I met them, the granddaughter was three, and had been living with them her whole life. It was odd because the little girl called her grandmother “Mommy,” and she called her mother by her first name. They told me that the granddaughter didn’t know that “Mommy” was actually her grandmother. When I left for college I lost touch with the family, and I’ve always wondered the outcome. The little girl is a young adult now, and I wonder when they told her, what her reaction was, and how it impacted her.
One of my grandmother's friends is currently raising her granddaughter and has been for many years now. Her son was incarcerated on drug charges several years back and the child's mother relinquished custody to the father almost immediately after the child was born and has been absent ever since.
Thus, when the father was sent to prison, the child became somewhat of an orphan. The situation's been tough on everyone involved. My grandmother's friend is on a fixed income and that makes the situation even more challenging. The past couple of years has been especially hard with her granddaughter becoming a teenager and growing more rebellious by the minute. The father is out of prison now and they're all living together.
To complicate matters even more, the father doesn't want his mom disciplining his daughter, but he refuses to do so and is oftentimes inebriated. In addition, the increased generational gap between the grandmother and granddaughter is blatantly apparent and the older the child gets, the less they understand one another. Communication has almost come to a complete standstill at this point. One thing I'd suggest to improve communication between them is participation in activities that both of them can relate to.
For instance, the grandmother may attend a concert with the granddaughter to help get the lines of communication flowing again. Music can be very powerful, especially as a start to resolving conflict. While the granddaughter may attend a theatrical show or art museum showcase that appeals to both of them with her grandmother.
Regardless, a change of environment and scenery would be good for the both of them. Both parties are growing in their own way, unfortunately, they seem to be growing more and more apart at this point. However, communication is key in changing this outlook.
I don't know any grandparents who are "raising" their grandchildren. I have a good friend who retired in her mid-fifties and has made it her priority to share responsibilities to care for each of her twin grandsons while her son and his wife work (swapping one for the other with the other grandparents to give them individualized attention). Not only has this helped her son's family financially, but it's been a terrific way for her to bond with her grandchildren and her son's wife. My friend values this time and would not have wanted to miss out on this opportunity.
I met another woman last week (a retired educator) that also balances her days between her own interests, caring for her 103 year old mother (who lives in assisted living), and caring for her grandchildren after school every day. I believe the world is a richer place for those who develop intergenerational relationships and can experience life through another's perspective.
These examples of grandparents' involvement in raising their grandchildren are deliberate choices. As my friend tells me now that the twins are almost 5 years old, she is "never happier then when she can hand her grandchildren back over to their parents at the end of the day!" She could not imagine raising them full-time at her age, and she's only in her 50s!
Grandparents are often tapped into to help raise grandchildren for various circumstances that are beyond their control. Perhaps it is because the children's parents job requires them to travel or move away (military assignments), parents are trying to build a life which takes them away from their children (divorced or attending college), perhaps there are abuse issues and grandparents are a safe haven for grandchildren, perhaps parents are incarcerated or have psychological, drug, or alcohol issues that prevent them from being present, or perhaps parents were killed tragically or a single parent has passed away from cancer. Nonetheless, grandparents raising their grandchildren can be stressful.
Although the grandchild may be happy and well adapted, and keeping children with family can be positive for the children and connect them with their roots. Children often come from difficult circumstances or experienced trauma that could cause depression, anxiety issues, or post-traumatic stress. Grandparents raising grandchildren may be negatively affected by their caregiving responsibilities and may face a variety of emotional, financial, legal and daily living challenges as they unexpectedly find themselves in the position of raising a second family. Children may be placed in legal custody through foster care, or in nonformal voluntary kinship or privately arrangements.
The Pennsylvania Department of Aging has an webpage on "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren" outlining some basic information and advice for caregivers (grandparents) to build effective communications and relationships with others, and with the parents of the children, the grandchildren, spouses, etc. I've included some of this information below. Link to the website listed below for specific advice on managing these relationships.
"Grandparents Raising Grandchildren"
http://www.homelandsecurity.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/grandparents_raising_grandchildren/17978
Pennsylvania DoA
• Nationwide, one in ten grandparents have been the primary caregiver and support of a grandchild at some time in their lives.
• Nationally, 4.5 million children are living in grandparent-headed households (6.3% of all children under age 18). This represents a 30% increase from 1990 to 2000. *(U.S. Census Bureau, Table DP-2. Profile Selected Social Characteristics: 2000).
• The number of grandparent and other relative-headed families is increasing every year. Communities need to be aware of this growing trend so they can be prepared to meet the challenges that will arise.
I don't know any grandparents who are "raising" their grandchildren. I have a good friend who retired in her mid-fifties and has made it her priority to share responsibilities to care for each of her twin grandsons while her son and his wife work (swapping one for the other with the other grandparents to give them individualized attention). Not only has this helped her son's family financially, but it's been a terrific way for her to bond with her grandchildren and her son's wife. My friend values this time and would not have wanted to miss out on this opportunity.
I believe the world is a richer place for those who develop intergenerational relationships and can experience life through another's perspective. As my friend tells me now that the twins are almost 5 years old, however, she is "never happier then when she can hand her grandchildren back over to their parents at the end of the day!" She could not imagine raising them full-time at her age, and she's only in her 50s!
Grandparents are often tapped into to help raise grandchildren for various circumstances that are beyond their control. Perhaps it is because the children's parents job requires them to travel or move away (military assignments), parents are trying to build a life which takes them away from their children (divorced or attending college), perhaps there are abuse issues and grandparents are a safe haven for grandchildren, perhaps parents are incarcerated or have psychological, drug, or alcohol issues that prevent them from being present, or perhaps parents were killed tragically or a single parent has passed away from cancer. Nonetheless, grandparents raising their grandchildren can be stressful.
Although the grandchild may be happy and well adapted, and keeping children with family can be positive for the children and connect them with their roots. Children often come from difficult circumstances or experienced trauma that could cause depression, anxiety issues, or post-traumatic stress. Grandparents raising grandchildren may be negatively affected by their caregiving responsibilities and may face a variety of emotional, financial, legal and daily living challenges as they unexpectedly find themselves in the position of raising a second family. Children may be placed in legal custody through foster care, or in nonformal voluntary kinship or privately arrangements.
The Pennsylvania Department of Aging has an webpage on "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren" outlining some basic information and advice for caregivers (grandparents) to build effective communications and relationships with others, and with the parents of the children, the grandchildren, spouses, etc. I've included a URL link to this website listed below for specific advice on managing these relationships.
"Grandparents Raising Grandchildren"
http://www.homelandsecurity.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/grandparents_raising_grandchildren/17978
Pennsylvania DoA
I don't know any grandparents who are "raising" their grandchildren. I have a good friend who retired in her mid-fifties and has made it her priority to share responsibilities to care for each of her twin grandsons while her son and his wife work (swapping one for the other with the other grandparents to give them individualized attention). Not only has this helped her son's family financially, but it's been a terrific way for her to bond with her grandchildren and her son's wife. My friend values this time and would not have wanted to miss out on this opportunity.
I met another woman last week (a retired educator) that also balances her days between her own interests, caring for her 103 year old mother (who lives in assisted living), and caring for her grandchildren after school every day. I believe the world is a richer place for those who develop intergenerational relationships and can experience life through another's perspective.
These examples of grandparents' involvement in raising their grandchildren are deliberate choices. As my friend tells me now that the twins are almost 5 years old, she is "never happier then when she can hand her grandchildren back over to their parents at the end of the day!" She could not imagine raising them full-time at her age, and she's only in her 50s!
Grandparents are often tapped into to help raise grandchildren for various circumstances that are beyond their control. Perhaps it is because the children's parents job requires them to travel or move away (military assignments), parents are trying to build a life which takes them away from their children (divorced or attending college), perhaps there are abuse issues and grandparents are a safe haven for grandchildren, perhaps parents are incarcerated or have psychological, drug, or alcohol issues that prevent them from being present, or perhaps parents were killed tragically or a single parent has passed away from cancer. Nonetheless, grandparents raising their grandchildren can be stressful.
Although the grandchild may be happy and well adapted, and keeping children with family can be positive for the children and connect them with their roots. Children often come from difficult circumstances or experienced trauma that could cause depression, anxiety issues, or post-traumatic stress. Grandparents raising grandchildren may be negatively affected by their caregiving responsibilities and may face a variety of emotional, financial, legal and daily living challenges as they unexpectedly find themselves in the position of raising a second family. Children may be placed in legal custody through foster care, or in nonformal voluntary kinship or privately arrangements.
The Pennsylvania Department of Aging has an webpage on "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren" with information and advice for caregivers (grandparents) to build effective communications and relationships with others, and with the parents of the children, the grandchildren, spouses, etc. Following is the URL: "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren"
http://www.homelandsecurity.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/grandparents_raising_grandchildren/17978
Pennsylvania DoA
I don't know any grandparents who are "raising" their grandchildren. I have a good friend who retired in her mid-fifties and has made it her priority to share responsibilities to care for each of her twin grandsons while her son and his wife work (swapping one for the other with the other grandparents to give them individualized attention). Not only has this helped her son's family financially, but it's been a terrific way for her to bond with her grandchildren and her son's wife. My friend values this time and would not have wanted to miss out on this opportunity.
I met another woman last week (a retired educator) that also balances her days between her own interests, caring for her 103 year old mother (who lives in assisted living), and caring for her grandchildren after school every day. I believe the world is a richer place for those who develop intergenerational relationships and can experience life through another's perspective.
These examples of grandparents' involvement in raising their grandchildren are deliberate choices. As my friend tells me now that the twins are almost 5 years old, she is "never happier then when she can hand her grandchildren back over to their parents at the end of the day!" She could not imagine raising them full-time at her age, and she's only in her 50s!
Grandparents are often tapped into to help raise grandchildren for various circumstances that are beyond their control. Perhaps it is because the children's parents job requires them to travel or move away (military assignments), parents are trying to build a life which takes them away from their children (divorced or attending college), perhaps there are abuse issues and grandparents are a safe haven for grandchildren, perhaps parents are incarcerated or have psychological, drug, or alcohol issues that prevent them from being present, or perhaps parents were killed tragically or a single parent has passed away from cancer. Nonetheless, grandparents raising their grandchildren can be stressful.
Although the grandchild may be happy and well adapted, and keeping children with family can be positive for the children and connect them with their roots. Children often come from difficult circumstances or experienced trauma that could cause depression, anxiety issues, or post-traumatic stress. Grandparents raising grandchildren may be negatively affected by their caregiving responsibilities and may face a variety of emotional, financial, legal and daily living challenges as they unexpectedly find themselves in the position of raising a second family. Children may be placed in legal custody through foster care, or in nonformal voluntary kinship or privately arrangements.
The Pennsylvania Department of Aging has an webpage on "Grandparents Raising Grandchildren" outlining some basic information and advice for caregivers (grandparents) to build effective communications and relationships with others, and with the parents of the children, the grandchildren, spouses, etc. I've included some of this information below. Link to the website listed below for specific advice on managing these relationships.
"Grandparents Raising Grandchildren"
http://www.homelandsecurity.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/grandparents_raising_grandchildren/17978
Pennsylvania DoA
There are two young boys, ages 2 years and 7 years old, whose mother is incarcerated for stealing and trying to use prescription pads to obtain narcotics. The boys father is also a drug addict and is not involved with them. The grandmother obtained temporary custody of them but she could not handle the demands that these young boys require. Therefore, an aunt (who works with me) is fostering these boys. She has 2 teenagers living at home with her (she is a single mom) and they are doing great. The aunt "Sally" keeps communication open with the grandmother and permits regular visits with the boys. In addition, "Sally" has agreed for the mother, who is in jail, to call collect in order to talk to her boys and to find out from "Sally" how they are doing in school and day care. Based on my conversations with "Sally", the boys have brought a lot of joy into the home, but stress comes with it. The 2 year old gets up every night at 3 am and wants to play while the 7 year old is having some adjustment problems at school. "Sally" works closely with the Health & Human Services case worker and school officials to ensure that the boys are getting the support and counseling they need until their mother is out of jail, rehabilitated and capable of caring for them again.
Label: Observing Attitudes and Cultural Values with the Elderly....
The older adults in our culture are sometimes depicted unjustly. Ageism Occurs in various aspects of the American society. Particularly in the mass media. Most times the elderly are depicted as cranky, senile and grumpy.
Two fairly recent movies that come to mind are "Grand Torino" and "Grumpy Old Men" In "Grand Torino" Clint Eastwood plays the role of a grumpy, hateful, unhappy, old man who has a difficult time getting along with his neighbors and his children. In "Grumpy Old Men" the two main characters are long time friends who are constantly bickering and aggravating each other. As the title suggest, they are both "Grumpy old Men" in pursuit of a woman.
The trend of unjustly depicting the elderly as grumpy, feeble, and helpless continues in the sitcoms and magazine adds. Such as "Frasier", "George Lopez", "US weekly", "People magazine" etc.
Many times our stereotypes stem from the shows we viewed or the books we read while growing up. Children shows such as "Sesame Street" "Sponge Bob, "The Simpsons", and movies such as "UP" and "Despicable Me" help at a young age to formulate prejudice we have against the elderly as we get older. In those shows the elderly are depicted as senile, forgetful, grumpy etc.
We need more positive images of the elderly in mass media. Shows such as the "Golden Girls" help contradict stereotypes by showing older women who are healthy, energetic and sexual. More positive shows may help reduce or counteract the presence of Ageism in our society.
This class has helped me by opening my eyes more about the various plights of the elderly. I place more emphasis on respecting and cherishing the knowledge and wisdom they have to bestow on us.
Kay
Lisa,
I see where you are coming from. There are cases where the grandparents are the primary persons taking care of their grandchild especially when the real parent is unreliable. Imagine a situation where a single woman has a child and she is in and out of jail. Government authorities may step in to safe the child's life and hand total custody to the grandparents. In this scenario, the child's upbring is solely in the hands of the grandparents.
I saw a television show that a set of grandparents took full responsibility in raising their granddaughters. The grandparents were girls’ paternal side. Their father moved back with his parents after the accidental death of his wife and when the recession came he could no longer afford his mortgage. The father lives with his parents and work fulltime in law enforcement. Even though the father is working, his parents are taking care of his daughters. They make all decisions concerning the girls’ upbringing; such as making sure they are doing well in school and also trying to make sure they will be responsible adults one day like assign chores. The girls on the show stated that they saw their father as a big brother not as a provider.
I would like to suggest to the grandparents to allow the father to step up and be involved in his daughters’ daily activities. This would give the grandparents a break from being fulltime caregivers and would allow them to be grandparents.
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