Age Is Just A Number

Most Fridays I "dine around" with a small group of friends in Boone and Blowing Rock, NC.  At 70 and 80+ discussions center around volunteerism, health, travel, community, and family.  One couple could not join us yesterday as they were taking a short trip to Jacksonville FL (10 hours) to visit a close family who decorate their home and open it to neighbors for Halloween.   Did I mention they just returned from being with friends in Yellowstone and Blue Sky country?  When he is not traveling, he volunteers five days a week as office manager for an historical association to which he and his wife have a 40-year dedication. A form of dementia has entered their lives so they have added neurology and speech therapy to their schedule but continue to schedule short and lengthy visits with treasured friends they have amassed through the years.

Last week I visited my mother, 98, who is in hospice in South Florida going on six months.  We had the best reminiscence even though I could appear as four different family members in a 2-hour visit.  My mom expressed her love for fresh air and appreciation for certain staff members.  She told one CNA, "Sit down, Honey.  I don't want you to work so hard."  She loved the feel of a new sweater.

I stayed with my sister-in-law who is so devoted to my mom, understanding dementia that her father had the last five years of his life.  She knows how to make my mom laugh and how to limit visits to protect the weary.  Playing Mexican Train with her friends around the pool for two hours was a great stress reliever for one woman checking in on her husband at the hospital (a 20-year experience) and another waiting out the repair of a rental unit that a man, 90, ran into with his vehicle before his family realized he should be in assisted living,  And us

"Buddy did well", another sister-in-law reported about their bus trip to New England (he has dementia going on four years)..  "Everything was first class.  The tour operator added two days and we (eight friends went along) had a great time."  This weekend they are off to see his brother's family and her father, 95.  They make this 3-hour drive every other week to ensure her dad's safety, liven up the house, and fill the refrigerator with homemade meals.   She shares this love and dedication with another sister and her husband.  This visit they will support his brother who is in a nursing home. 

My mind wanders to those, like me, that live hundreds of miles from family. My extended family includes two kindergarten boys I mentor each Monday.  What a great way to start my week and keep me humble.

Marvin Orenstein, 90,  is my hero of the day.   http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/section/6/article/58394/

Please share your heroes with me. I am confident they are all caregivers of one form or another.

The therapist is still working at 102

Thank you Steve Lopez for this dynamic portrait. 
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-1002-lopez-bolgar-20111002,0,5869414.column

Though I stay away from violent and non-sensical headlines, I seek columnists who illuminate people otherwise unbeknowngst to me.   When I took a death and dying class mid-life, or what I thought was mid-life, I had to write my own obituary.  What fun!  I placed myself at the top of a mountain in Colorado; today I live at 3500 ft in Boone NC.  My brother lives in Denver - perhaps begging a visit.  I saw myself as a writer and think the same today as I whittle words on forthcoming book entitled "A Tapestry of Global Friendships."

What are your ambitions?   At 71, I had my licensed renewed for five years today.  Gratefully I was prompted for four signs that had no design on them.  I thought the sun was yellow and round - yet it signified a railroad sign.

Keep a joyful heart. 

Living Memories

 This month when I visit my mother, 98, who has been in hospice for five months is emotionally draining.  Yesterday when I shared this with two women in private conversation after a literacy meeting, they shared their perspectives.  "My mother has been gone four years.  Each time I visited my mother during end-of-life stages, I felt I would soon be orphaned", one remarked. Another shared, "My mother has had Alzheimer's for the past 15 years.  I do not feel like I have a mother anymore", another lamented. 

And just the day before a friend reflected, "I am so glad you have your mother one more day."  This exquisite woman maintains a home in CO while caregiving for her mother in GA where she continues her professional life as an academician.  God bless my friends who continue to travel or follow a passion with art lessons and chorus while caregiving for their husbands with Alzheimer's going on four years.

But I digress from my feelings.  At 71, I am fortunate to be active in the academic and business environments - albeit part time, though I cannot do anything part time.  With the housing bust my home fortunately is rented at present though it sat empty and then devasted by tenants the remaining years.   Spiritual armor has protected me as I concentrate on fulfilling my life and being there for my family, friends, and reading mentees.


Hopefully, that spiritual armor will protect me through the next phase of life with expected loss though I love my friend's saying, "98 going on 120" in referencing my mother.  I want to enjoy each day, tucking treasures in my suitcase like a book a grade school friend wrote that I can share with my mother.  I will also bring her a Jewish calendar remiscent of the ones she hung on a kitchen cabinet in my parents' condo in S FL.  Birthdays, anniversaries - recorded year after year, remembered with just the perfect card, her thoughts underscored at time as I find myself doing for emphasis.

Sharing with you has already lightened what was a burden ten minutes ago.  In less than two weeks my friend will drive me two hours from the mountains of NC to Charlotte to board my flight.  One of devoted brothers and/or my sister-in-law will pick me up at the airport where construction is anything but straight driving.   We will visit alone and together, laugh as our family always has done, not ridiculing but sharing slices of life.   I will be able to praise staff personally - this woman from a distance - does she really care?   Yes, she cares hourly, prays daily, and includes you in her prayers.


It's Sunday when I usually phoned my mother in addtion to mid-week calls since my father's passing fifteen years ago.  Today, we cannot hold a conversation long distance, not even the 3-minute conversations to save money, a carryover from the Depression.  She cannot read even large-print books but hopefully will be able to recognize me.   I see a "grabber" in a TV ad and feel a tinge of sorrow that I never purchased one for my mother.   I choose to remember how she drove up from Ft. Lauderdale to Boca by herself to be with my brother and me.  My brother was right to encourage her to stretch herself as my daughter did me after a sudden loss.

Please feel free to share your comments anonymously, if you wish, or write to me at evelynasher@charter.net.  Together, our journeys will be sweeter.