Fragile -

  From vantage points of rockers, chairs, and benches residents and guests in senior communities can breathe fresh air in South Florida or countless other alternate living accommodations across the country.   Onlookers become immune to emergency vehicles; when faced with emergency they are grateful to the medic team for transfer to the nearest medical center.

Emergencies know no boundaries.  Responses come at the most inopportune time - while caregivers are packing for a short or long-awaited trip, during traditional holiday dinners, dressing for graduation or one week after return from a parent who now exhibits different behavior.   

Last week's phone call to my mother's  line brought comfort with description of a grandson's visit, reminiscing through family albums.  This week, with stattaco emails sharing my mother's emergency hospital stay, dismantling of her apartment, and decision making for another stop on her journey, I know not to call.  I can only hope that someone will read the Mother's Day message I posted a few days ago as the card shop lacked the words to express the gratitutde for every opportunity I had been given.

Distance, early retirement, and maintenance of my home that has been on and off the market for four years have fostered challenges in long-distance caregiving.   I am grateful for my siblings' devotion the past 18 years and do what I can in communicating through reminiscing with my mother.  Everyone has a talent in the caregiving pyramid.  Please take a minute to comment and share your long distance or dominant caregiving experience.

Perception and Reminiscence

Communicating with elders is a daily challenge whether it is advocating or having a conversation. Locating documents, making appointments, and reminiscing -- across the spectrum -- takes patience and provides opportunity for clarity and bonding. Just yesterday, when apologizing for pointing a finger as my mother, 95, has done all through life, my colleague said, "Don't apologize, that was not a mean finger."

Communicating with an elder long distance can present challenges of time, lapse of daily contact, hunger to be part of someone's life or unsettled anger. Some families have the means and support to present in their parents' lives.  Others might have financial challenges, distance by miles, business or extended family that requires balanced time.  I write to my mother, 97, faithfully in 20 point font. "Your letters are beautiful and so easy to read", she comments.  A letter can be read ad infinitum and shared with visitors that provides opportunity for reminiscence.   If you have not been able to be physically present, how have you contributed your virtual presence?