Everyone needs an advocate

Three years ago I had a TIA (mini-stroke) and pay attention to warning signs.  This week, two days after a "perfect" checkup with a new physician, I stopped at my ophthalmologist's office to check out double vision that was plaguing me for 24 hours.



The ophthalmologist exchanged numbers with his assistant, scheduled a MRI two weeks hence, prescribed blood work then asked to see me in six weeks.  When I asked if he could send his review of our visit to my neurologist, his reply was "What are you seeing her for?"  I shared my TIA earlier which was in his records,   I am 71 years of age.  I would have valued if I were asked, "Did you drive here by yourself today?" "Is there someone you might like us to call?"  Especially when I was told to curtail my driving.


I cannot help but think of others who might not be as active as I am in a new sales position receiving alarming news.  Do they automatically accept their fate?  Do they have someone to share the news with who might accompany them for the MRI?  In a well-equipped office, and with HIPPA regulations, cannot one receive news other than in the hallway?  Everyone needs an advocate, even physicians.

Meeting Room vs. Waiting Room

In 2002 I advocated for geriatric care consulting in physician practice waiting rooms. Though there was interest from one practice in Gainesville GA, physician staffing berthed the concept to the back burner. Before the plethora of cell phones we have today I envisioned patients and caregivers having access to phones where they could resolve issues during their long wait.   Having a geriatric care consultant or social worker in the waiting room could relieve anxieties as people shared their social concerns.  

http://www.fastcodesign.com/1664797/six-ways-to-improve-doctors-waiting-rooms

What if a caregiver could discuss a transportation issue or be able to inquire about a resource to lessen his/her burden(s)?   What if elders looking after each other could have a smile or be directed for funding to remodel their home so they could age in place?   What if the environment in a physician's practice was friendlier and encouraged storytelling in a corner?  Yes, away with those wide screens and listen.   Patients have so much to share, wisdom, character, and strength.   Many with family scattered around the country or globe would benefit from socialization, lessen health concerns, thwart disease.

The People's Pharmacy recently conducted research on drugs with more side effects than benefits.  Conversation and listening are more beneficial to one's health than prescription drugs.   What is your best waiting room experience? What if, in an hour or two wait, a trained professional could help you write or edit an oral or written legacy to your children?

Memorial Day Salute

 God bless those who gave their lives, veterans, returning troops, those serving, and their families.  When I read these treasured stories it remains me when my uncle's brother, Saul Goldman, joined our family gatherings in uniform in the 50s.  Treasured also were reunions of New Jersey buddies you served in separate divisions during WWII who were reunited in South Florida 50 years later. Though they lost track of each other, their reminscence included concise reference to their arenas; one could see other memories of incredible loss to their charges appear in intense exchanges of their eyes, words not to be spoken.

A special salute to Herman Rubin who forever postponed being a professional baseball player to serve his country.  To my uncle Leonard Sherman who took ill shortly after he was on base but came home to make significant differences in his scientific discoveries that, by my father's recall, others took credit for.  Bless extended family who share their presence minus their day as he is with the National Guard two weeks each summer. "Better than 18 months (in Iraq)", his 12-year-old son uttered in a quiet voice.

Silent heroes.  Thank you for going to schools and sharing your experiences through StoryCorp or family interviews as I encourage my interpersonal communication students to record.   Please share a short story about your favorite veteran or local National Guard today.

Evelyn Asher is hopeful that contined multicultural exchanges will lead to a more peaceful existence globally.

Why You Need Resources for Caregivers

When it comes to caring for your parents, there are a lot of different issues to deal with. By taking the time to find resources that are available, it will be much easier for you to get the outcome that you are searching for. Of course, the way that you go about caring for your parents says it all. In a recent blog I wrote about senior safety and health, I talked about the relationship between parents and children when the roles are reversed. Caring for your parents can be a very stressful situation and you really have to make sure that you are doing whatever it takes to make things right.

There are so many different resources out there that you can benefit from. You can find local groups in your neighborhood, support groups online, and plenty of informational resources like this blog right here to help you get the most from your situation. It doesn't matter if you are taking care of your parents full time or if you are just trying to keep an eye on whether they need your help or not, because education is always the most important tool in your success.

Before you get in over your head or create a stressful relationship between yourself and your
parent(s), you need to figure out where you are at and where things are going. You need to determine how much help they need, whether you can provide, and what the best solutions for everyone are. Communication is key because your parents do not want to be patronized and treated like children. Unless there is an actual physical or mental impairment that allows you to make decisions without their input, open communication is a must.

Take a few minutes today, for your parent(s), and check out the different resources and informational tools that you can find online. You will probably learn more than you expected and be able to give them the second stage of life that they truly deserve. Rather than jumping in with both feet and taking over, try talking to them about their health and utilize the information that you have found to take care of things together. With so many resources out there, it's not hard to find the ones that can help you.

Mary Albert is a health advocate for Lifestyle Health Guide, where she writes regularly on senior health and aging issues as well as medical alert systems.

Why I Love My Doctor- We're Not Dead Yet

When I retired, I moved back to the area where my children grew up so that I could be closer to my family. As such, I had to go through the motions of changing everything. I changed doctors, most notably. I spend about 3 to 5 hours a month at the doctor, which doesn't sound like a lot but it sure isn't a walk in the park. Since I'm there a lot for checkups and other tests, I need a doctor that I feel comfortable with and can trust. I made the mistake of hiring the first doctor that I found, and quickly realized that I needed a better solution. The mistake? Let me explain.


I had been spending the day with my daughter, who just insisted on riding along with me to my appointment. She likely wanted to see and hear for herself that I was (or was not, perhaps) healthy. So I conceded and she came along. Mind you, this was only the second time I had been to see this doctor. I could have been his mother, too. He was fresh out of medical school and you could tell. But that day, it was painfully obvious that he'd missed the course on bedside manner and patient communication.

He came into the room, talked to me, talked to my daughter, and went about his business. As the appointment went on, I began to notice that he spent far more time talking ABOUT me to my daughter, as if I wasn't even there. After about 20 minutes, I was exasperated. I looked him straight in the face, excused myself, and said

"I'm not dead yet, you know."

He got a startled look on his face, and chuckled, as if I was joking before walking out of the room. In the process of finding my current doctor, whom I love dearly, I went through about 5 or 6 who all did the same thing. I made it a pet project, of sorts, and took my daughter along just to prove a point: doctors tend to treat older people like children who can't understand them. We understand just fine. As a health advocate, I am advocating for better education on patient communication. We ARE the patients, after all.

Contributed by Mary Albert, a blogger for a senior lifestyle web site that provides advice for the 55+ age group as well as medical alert reviews

Evasive talk about emotion

Acknowledging my co-authoring a gerontology text entitled Conversations: Effective Communication with the Elderly, my dear friend in her early 80s sent me this article.  http:/www.nytimes.com/2011/03/08/opinion/08brooks.html

How many times do families, like mine, gather and talk about material things rather than about emotion?  My siblings are 65, 75, and 75 - not a typo.  Talk is centered around accessories in the house, golf games, travel, grandchildren, food, the world situation.  Doctors, but not chronic illness.   Cars but not individual financial challenges.  Healthcare but not about Medicare supplements, long-term care insurance - reasons people are working well into their 70s if given an opportunity.   My father, a pharmacist, worked until he was 83, because he wanted to serve the public.

Note in David Brooks' article the range of deep talents which span reason and emotion and make hash of narrower definitions of IQs, degrees, and professional skills.  Brooks cites "Limerence: This isn't a talent as a much as a motivation."  And so some siblings must delay a mortgage payment in order to purchase airfare to respond to crisis, a last opportunity to see a loved one. 

What common threads of understanding or lack of understanding have you witnessed as primary caregiver or a long-distance caregiver trying to keep your head above water while your feelings are being questioned?

Everyone Needs An Advocate

When I went for an annual checkup at a hospital-based clinic 1 1/2 hours from my home, I was fortunate enough to be accompanied by a good friend. I saw a woman staring at the office roster, unsure of the next direction in the maze to turn. A warm "Follow-me" relaxed her and replaced the angst of my appointment with gratitude that I could help someone else. Though disappointed the specialist did not have recent records I was assured were faxed a month ago, she conducted simple neurological tests that left me with renewed confidence. What style of communication has affected the way or you healthcare professional are perceived?

Perception and Reminiscence

Communicating with elders is a daily challenge whether it is advocating or having a conversation. Locating documents, making appointments, and reminiscing -- across the spectrum -- takes patience and provides opportunity for clarity and bonding. Just yesterday, when apologizing for pointing a finger as my mother, 95, has done all through life, my colleague said, "Don't apologize, that was not a mean finger."

Communicating with an elder long distance can present challenges of time, lapse of daily contact, hunger to be part of someone's life or unsettled anger. Some families have the means and support to present in their parents' lives.  Others might have financial challenges, distance by miles, business or extended family that requires balanced time.  I write to my mother, 97, faithfully in 20 point font. "Your letters are beautiful and so easy to read", she comments.  A letter can be read ad infinitum and shared with visitors that provides opportunity for reminiscence.   If you have not been able to be physically present, how have you contributed your virtual presence?